I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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