and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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