Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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