woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
