I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
