It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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