I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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