You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
