That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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