i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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