Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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