I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
