she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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