He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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