just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
