shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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