Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
