did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
