My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Farmville is her only friend.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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