we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
