my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
