You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
