I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
