I think scott just propositioned me for sex
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
