She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
