Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
