Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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