there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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