I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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