Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
