Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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