forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
