Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
