respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
