my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
As shirtless as possible
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I enjoy the company of your penis
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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