Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
