I saw his package. It spoke to me.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
