So drunk its hurt
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
