I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
