Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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