who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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