I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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