I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
