Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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