My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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