She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
