Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
