I've blown a few things in my day
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
