He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
