i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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