I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
