If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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