she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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