I just made out with a guy for $7.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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