these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
